Snaggletooth

View of the Sound from Orcas Island

I catch my snaggletooth rotting
as I glide my jaw from left to right,
grinding my teeth to try to tear
canine against canine, in a futile attempt
to bring symmetry to my mouth.

I tug down on my left ear nervously.
A tic left over from infancy.
When I would thrust my thumb to suckle
and self-sooth myself into sensible submission.
Now an empty endeavor exerting my inner
need to have both ears sit evenly on my head.

I find my conscious slipping.
Wandering from question to question
and judgment to judgment.
A fevered frantic failure streamed.
Until I pull the needle and string
the thread of my thoughts to stitch
the folds of my brain together into
one smooth cohesive quilt.
A patchwork of perfectly placed
motives and memories; a balanced ballast
of cerebral serenity.

Face Time

Well I have to thank my friend Mat for introducing me to this marvel of the internet.

Music Go Music performing on the infamous Face Time! Their new album is out now on Secretly Canadian and you can see it all with the links below. I actually think that the songs live are better than the album, but they are still awesome. Give a good view/listen to an amazing new band.

1. I Walk Alone
2. 1000 Crazy Nights
3. Light of Love
4. Reach Out
5. Explorers of the Heart
6. Love, Violent Love
7. Just Me
8. Warm in the Shadows
9. Goodbye, Everybody

Misstep

My mother and I were walking out of the grocery store recently and she unknowingly stepped in front of a man who was also exiting the store. He was dressed in full army fatigues and had to stutter his steps as he jockeyed his way around my mother. She was honestly surprised of her cultural faux pas saying, "I didn't even see him." But I reassured her, he had no problem with her walking in front of him. He was used to people doing that all the time. His problem was that she was weaving in her steps. She confused him by not walking in a straight line.

A Single Take Obsession

Brock at Cranberry Lake

I, notably, have a certain obsession with single take recordings. Both in music and in film, I have a fascination with the beautiful and natural flaws that exist in the process of creation. It marvels me how much production goes into removing all the tiny errors that we take for granted in life. I don't always understand why we choose to edit out what our memory already does for us.

I can rarely tell you of a time when watching a concert that the musician flubbed. In fact, when it does happen, I think I like it more and mistake it for the way that the song was meant to be sung or played. In music people use field recordings to enhance an already great song. In film people use the way film burns, slips, and double exposes intentionally as an artistic expression. Isn't it just as beautiful when it happens by mistake?

I love found photographs for the same reason. To see the beautiful mistakes that others unintentionally made. I find these mistakes inspiring. I have a drawer full of photos from found wallets, albums, and ones bought in thrift or antique stores. It is this fascination that led me to seek out and find all these awesome internet sites.

Shoot the Player, La Blogotheque, Black Cab Sessions, They Shoot Music, and Southern Souls are all great websites that document such great convergences of music and film, well video really. I first got hooked on these sites after Arcade Fire played for Vincent Moon in an elevator. The rest I found sometime later. I don't know which came first, but I am glad that the all exist.

Many of these sites show their obvious reference to such great documentarians such as Alan Lomax and John Peel. And maybe even a more obscure reference to Pete Seeger's documenting efforts. Or maybe that is just my obscure reference. Anywho, there are those before us who pioneered the documenting of live performances in their natural locations. I think that Bob Boilen even tosses his hat in the ring with his Tiny Desk Concerts for NPR. Which is probably the closest modern example of the Peel Sessions displayed visually.

I want to give a great example of these awesome websites that all deserve their own time dedicating to exploring, but for now I will just show a favorite. Bill Callahan from his Black Cab Session.

New Year's Resolutions

I don't know if I could ever create something as awesome as this.
"Bad Mutha Wizard" by Dave MacDowell

I don't usually put to much weight on New Year's Resolutions. I never actually participated in the practice on any regular occasion. A few years ago, however, I did in fact make a resolution that I liked. I don't know if it was all that close to the New Year when I made it, but it counted as one anyways. I decided that I would experience a wider variety of the arts.

Arts that were on that list were things like dance performances, plays, art opening, poetry readings, operas, and the orchestra. The list incorporated many things that I had either never been to or had not been to in a very long time. Without that resolution, I would have never have found out how much I love dance. I also found a couple composers though the process that I currently love.

For this year I tried to think of something that would be equally awesome to that of the previous resolution. One that would stick, but also be beneficial to my being. So with risk of copying myself, I decided that this year I would create in a wider variety of the arts. Hopefully, this will include my cobbling adventure. Which got put on pause after I found an amazing pair of dear skin soft soled moccasins that was better than what I wanted to make anyways. The list will also include wood working, ink making, book binding, tailoring, puppet making, and hopefully ceramics. I also want to do a little home brewing, but that is a whole different type of art.

I will try to keep every aspect of these new adventures up to date on here. But the reality is that, just like the previous list, there are going to be some of these new things that I find I don't like. With some of these new arts, I might not want to keep doing them. We will see which of them survive to become regular practices and which lie by the wayside.

Season's Change

Photo by Scott Demeranville

Tiny white hairs start to grow all over my body after a full season of intentional poisoning and fatigue left me alopecian in appearance. Now I begin the slow process of detoxifying my body while trying to build up my weakened immune system. I start to think about what I can accomplish in enhancing my health to defend against the incessant cancerous growth, to delay its inevitable return.

I daydream of how many things I can do before it comes back. How many places I can go, people I can see, experiences I can have before I have to sit back in those chairs with an IV pumping poison back into my veins. How long will my hair get this time? How many road trips will there be? Poems written? Songs sung? Memories made?

I try to keep at bay the worst thoughts. Will I ever again have a significant other? What will I leave my family other than a load for the thrift store and a funeral bill? How do you tell a friend goodbye, should that time ever come? I might joke about such things and treat them light. But that is just to show my true fear of giving these thoughts any bit of the weight that they deserve.

For now I try to find peace the simple things. Reading poetry by the fire while drinking tea. Having a long hot shower right before bed. Dreaming simple dreams of simple moments to be shared with my friends. Hopefully, this next season will last longer than the one before. We will see, and I will take it as it comes.

Most Anticipated Movies of 2010

I have made quite a few more Top Ten lists since I posted my last one. "Top ten nicknames for your privates," "Top Ten reasons I should be disabled," "Top Ten thoughts one shouldn't have when one is showed a picture of one's significant other as a baby." But here is a reprise of the last TT list only a year later.

Top Ten Films to Watch in 2010

1. Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasus - Terry Gilliam
2. Hævnen - Susanne Bier
3. Black Swan - Darren Aranofsky
4. Due Date - Todd Philips
5. Loss Of A Teardrop Diamond - Jodie Markell
6. The Rum Diary - Bruce Robinson
7. Alice in Wonderland - Tm Burton
8. Inception - Christopher Nolan
9. Paul - Greg Mottola
10. Buried - Rodrigo Cortes

Also of good note is Robin Hood - Ridley Scott, Iron Man 2 - Jon Favreau, The Green Hornet - Michel Gondry, The Beaver - Jodie Foster, but they are either passed up because I am sick of remakes/sequals/superhero movies or because its hard to believe in Mel Gibson as a comedic actor anymore until I see it. But these will probably be watched too.

I'm With Coco

With Conan's time slot now in impending peril, I have decided to show my support for the beloved Coco. NBC has contracts with Conan, Leno, and Fallon. So they are required to provide a time slot for all of them. But with Leno's ratings doing so poorly in his 10pm time slot NBC wants to put him back in the Late Show's time slot of 11:35. This would push Conan back to 12:05 and Jimmy back and so forth. Well this just seems to be jerking Conan around after his long awaited and well deserved promotion to the Tonight Show. (I might also say a little long overdue) This brings back feelings of the Leno/Letterman feud that left Letterman with CBS. FOX has already said that it would take Conan if he decided to leave. But I think that we are all hoping that Leno will just retire.



Leno will go off the air during the Olympics and then will be brought back afterward with his old time slot. Conan has promised to continue to put on a great show even if he doesn't know the where and when. Barring a few other salty comments this is all Conan has had to say so far. We will see how the events present themselves. At the very least we will have Leno off the air for a limited time.

Post Post

I have just read that Conan says he will leave NBC if they change his time slot. GO COCO! I will watch you anywhere anytime.

Best Finds of 2009

I love lists. Already I am composing a Most Anticipated Films of 2010. But before I get too far ahead of myself, I have to duly note that this is now a time for reflection as well as foresight. Hence, I will do my best to compose the best things that came into my knowledge, possession, and attention over the past year. In no certain order...

Grouper - Liz Harris has rocked my world when it comes to new tunes. I was even graced with the ability to see her play at Heck Fest in July. Many other musicians and albums will follow on this list, but getting Dragging a Dead Deer on vinyl was a true highlight of the past year.

The Kitchen - While on Orcas Island up in the Sound of Washington State we got to eat twice at a moderately fast Asian food restaurant called The Kitchen. Serving all local produce and supporting all the Organic farms in the area (even using edible flowers to garnish the dishes) the food brought out the best of the Northwestern Banana Belt. They used completely recyclable utensils and dishes and even gave discounts for bringing your own plates and silverware. A note that will not be forgotten when we return. Also, the food was amazing! Sesame topped rice cakes, crispy kale, and garlic ginger noodle soup. The place did not only challenge the way I view the possibilities of eating out, but also my palate. I have done my best to mimic those meals and have never quite succeeded. But I have savored every attempt.

Rouge Spruce Gin - enough said.

Silver Lake/Echo Park - I will admit that in the past I could be vast quoted for saying that L.A. is a shit hole. But times change and so have my opinions. This year I decided to challenge my beliefs about L.A. and take a couple chances on a city that I never thought had any redeeming value. And I was pleasantly surprised. Especially with the Silver Lake/Echo Park area. Honestly, there were times when in this rare nook of L.A. that I felt like I was in Portland or Minneapolis. It was not what I expected from L.A. It was not like Hollywood or Downtown. I found comfort in some sweet quaint little shops. Soap Plant, Echo Curio, and Intelligentsia all welcomed me in and helped change my opinion of a town that I would, now, gladly return to and visit in the future.

Dead Western - Troy Mighty exemplifies many of the ideals that I have when it comes to music. His songs are low-fi with broad landscapes and have beautifully poetic lyrics. His vocals may sound like you have your vinyl speed setting set too slow and his facial expressions are more dramatic than edarem, but that makes his performances all the more memorable.

Max Richter - I had heard of him before, but I had never ventured into his music. 24 Post Cards in Full Colour drew me in on it's premise of being intended to be played as cell phone ring tones. (Although, in my opinion, it sounds better on vinyl.) The vignettes are beautifully composed. This album almost gets as much play from me as Rachel's Systems/Layers did when I first got that. And it has led me to Richter's other work, which is reason enough to put it on this list.

Mushroom Hunting - I have been mushroom hunting before in MN, but never with such tenacity and base knowledge as I have taken with me into the Berkeley hills to dig out multiple pounds of chanterelles and hen of the woods. I can't wait to get some morels, candy caps, or black trumpets.

Le Merle - This North Coast Brewery ale is honestly one of the best beers I have ever tasted. A Belgian Style Saison Farmhouse Ale that was smooth and refreshing while still being complex and flavorful. It's finish was also one that I was not expecting to be as clean as it was. A truly great beer.

Midleton - Very Rare, indeed, is it that you ever find a whiskey such as this. Now, I love myself a good Scotch and even some Bourbon. I love single malts and blended alike, but when I ventured out enough to buy a shot of Midleton Irish Whiskey I was more than pleasantly surprised. This actually beat out the Bushmills 16 year that was still lingering on my tongue. This blended whiskey was masterfully blended and has only a limited quantity every year. Each bottle is hand signed. Each drop should was simply savored.

Found Poetry - This relates to an earlier post. But from all the time that I have spent copying and pasting posts from message boards, or transcribing overheard conversations into stanzas I know that the poems I "find" are awesome. And I am so glad that I read a NY Times article that opened my eyes to the amazing and unintentional beauty of everyday life.

Good Poems - After a long time coming, I finally picked up Garrison Kiellor's first book of collected poems. I am so glad that I did. Had I not, I would have not discovered the beautiful poetry of Tom Hennen, Kenneth Rexroth, WCW, and Raymond Carver. All names I had heard or seen, but never read. Now, I love them and can't get enough.

RAR Files, Third Party Video Streaming Websites, Webseries, Blogs, etc. - Thank you internet. Without you I would be drowning in a sea of boredom. These arbitrary things have given me entertainment through countless nights of solitude and sleeplessness. There are too many things to list individually so this compressed form will have to do.

The Magic Theater - This is more of a symbol than a physical place for me. This small art house theater exemplifies all the things, people, and places that have made returning to a small town enjoyable. I still love the city, but I also love the small town of my origins. And this little theater is one of those main reasons why I do.

There are many more things that could be listed here. Things that I may have not discovered in 2009, but did obsess over in the past year. There are certainly things that I forgot and things that should have been. But this list is about as long of one that I would want to read, so I will cut it off here and hope that 2010 has similar inspiring attractions.

Mmmerry Christmas

Mmm... Christmas

I remember the first days back at school from Winter Break. When the childhood standards of how good that time off was was judged not by how many snow forts were built or how many snow ball fights were won, but by the amount and quality of Christmas gifts that were received.

The pièce de résistance changed every year. A Radio Flyer wagon, a Nintendo Gameboy, Air Jordan sneakers, or even a car. You didn't even bother asking the kid with the macrame monogrammed sweater covered with glittery puff paint and hot glued on puff balls. This person didn't even want you to ask them. They wanted you to push them in the dirt or throw your food at them so the sweater could be "ruined" and their social status could rise back to one that was above absolute zero.

I was never the kid who got the Teddy Ruxbin, Tickle-Me-Elmo, or the '94 Fender Jag-stang. But I would like to think that I held my own in that inevitable wintry back to school conversation. I think back to the years I got my first Ninja Turtle or how much my brother and I played Zelda: Link's Awakening on Gameboy. The year my dad bought me my .22 rifle and my Kabar knife. In my mind I can see the picture of me wearing my stocking on my head like a hat, standing there in footie pajamas, wondering if there was any more treasures to be had in its well knit wonderness.

This year I thought of continuing the childhood conversation. If for nothing else than to indulge being childish.

For Christmas I got Michael Pollan's Botany of Desire, Galway Kinnell's New Selected Poems, Henry Nouwen's The Way of the Heart, a package of smudge sticks and drawing charcoal, a bamboo utensil set, a puzzle, a handmade coffee cup sleeve, a tea thermos, an electric kettle, a microcosm publication, and a shirt that exceeds awesomeness. I also got a vest, some tea and tea bags, and a nice dress shirt.

Truly, I am sided to get to reading, drawing, puzzling, brewing, and sporting all my new gifts. And if you see me anytime soon it would be safe to assume that you will see me with some application of my new found treasures. It might not be tickets to the Nintendo DS with Scribblenauts, a breeding pair of Naked African Mole Rats, a pet Aye-Aye, or the reanimated body Egon Schiele, but I'll take it.

Where and When

There are some times that I find myself stuck on a specific piece of my own writing. Where I write something that seems so perfect that to add to it, or to change it any way, might demean it's initial beauty. I have had this stanza stuck in my head for almost the past year. And no matter what I do with it it still seems to lead nowhere.

I sleep on the couch on occasion.
When life seems more in transition.
It is the curse of knowing the how
if not the where and the when.

I take this and I try building off of it. I try to place it in the middle of something, but no matter what it I do with it the stanza shines above all the words that I write around it. So, in an attempt to move past it, or to merely let it be what it is, and no more than that. I have decided to lay it to rest here, for now. Until some other piece comes to marry it and allows it to expound into the fullness of what I intend for it.

New Ventures

I recently started sharing a studio with another artist friend named Cody Feiler. I hope that this will lead to me dedicating more time to drawing, writing, and having more of a constant creative output. The studio is at St. Joseph's. This last Sunday there was an open house at St. Joe's and I got to meet a lot of the other artists that also have studios there.

I have a lot of hope for what to accomplish in the studio. There are many projects that I have wanted to do. And mediums that I have wanted to experiment with. I am glad to have a space to do things and even leave some projects in temporary stasis until I can complete them.

Some projects I have already started. Like a series of wire sculpture skeletons that I hope to grow to fifty in number. I have hopes of doing more charcoal drawings and possibly some painting to carry out my influence of Antony Micallef. I would also like to incorporate my love and borderline fanaticism with Egon Schiele, the raw beauty of James Jean's sketchbooks, the ravenous sighing nature of Lucian Freud's paintings, and the beauty that pervades all those works by the expressionists, surrealists, and mystics that were obsessed with Freud and Lacan. But it might be best to start off with only a few things before I become overwhelmed by the shear mass of all my ideas coming to fruition.

Who knows? I might also be able to use the space to compile more poetry and short fictions that lie strewn in fragments throughout my sketchbooks. We will see. I will try to put some works in progress pictures up here.

Wandering Southward

My friend Laurel contacted me with a grand proposition. The offer was for her to fly out to California and for us to drive down to San Diego to attend her sister's husband's brother's wedding. I most certainly did not pass up the opportunity.

Laurel is a Sea Lion Woman.

Laurel flew in from Philly to San Francisco. We spent the first day playing around in SF and then hung out with another Minnesotan native named Ryan Hett. Ryan recently moved to Oakland and was happy to introduce us to his new home city. We stayed in the Bay Area for a day and then went up the hill to Grass Valley/Nevada City.

Ryan and I checking the CB joint.

We spent a day around my hometown before heading South. Then we went Los Angeles to visit our friend Lucia. She had some great food recommendations including a vegan restaurant not far from her house called Pure Luck. Pure Luck had the best Vegan torta in the world. So good I went back for it twice! We also spent some good amount of time shopping at thrift stores, record shops, vintage stores, cafes, and even a brilliant shop called Necromance where I got a pair of black prairie dog feet. I still haven't figured out what to do with them, but assure you they are rad enough on their own.

Lucia and Laurel in Pure Luck.

As for records, I picked up some Oren Ambarchi, Sandro Perri, and even some Jacaszek, which I was really happy to find on vinyl. I did pick up a copy of Joe Jackson's Look Sharp in a thrift store, but somehow that followed my sketchbook in the fray of things left somewhere in Southern California not to be found in my possession currently. I also picked up a copy of Elm's newest. All this great music was really superfluous seeing as I was just at Amoeba a few weeks earlier and had picked up some Dark Dark Dark, Dirty Projectors, and Barn Owl on vinyl there. This was also sandwiched in there with buying a new Bonnie 'Prince' Billy EP, Rachel Grimes' new LP, the newest in the Inspiration Information series, Bill Withers' second full length, and all the vinyl I bought back in Minneapolis when I brought over a bulk of my collection on a plane from there. I think may have a little problem with buying music... maybe. I also bought Dead Western's Soften Your Screams Into Sings off of him at a show recently. So, yes, I do have a problem. I'm not going to say it is a bad problem, but nonetheless its there. At least I can recognize it right.

Well, Laurel and I hit up a few beaches along the way. And even though it was November it was still quite warm. I think Laurel even got a tan. You have got to love Southern Californian weather.

I wasn't the only one finding good deals. Laurel found her share of treasures outside of record shops and inside of thrift stores. You can see Laurel below sporting a new evening jacket that she found for a great price at a thrift store in Ventura.

Laurel.

Well, we worked our way down to San Diego for the wedding. Due to some occupancy restraints I could only be there for the ceremony and not for the reception. So, I hid out in a great vegan bakery called Stephanie's and chilled there until the dancing started. Then I went back to crash the party and cut a rug or two. Sadly, that was all the official dancing to be had on the trip. Although, we still kept it as a goal the entire time.

Me.

I can say that we had a great time. In San Diego, Laurel and I got to hang out with Bryan and Jamie, Laurel's sister and brother-in-law. We had a blast together and even continued the party in L.A. on our way back up the road. If you are ever down that way I can suggest a great garden full of Edward Scissor Hand like sculptures. Technically, you are not supposed to play with them, but its okay if you notice the sign after you take all your pictures.

Jamie, Laurel and I finally noticing the sign. Ooops.

The drive down and back was just as enjoyable as all the stops we made. With no radio in my truck we had some great conversations to keep ourselves entertained. It had been about a year since Laurel and I last saw each other, so this was a grand reunion of old friends becoming older.

Soon, I hope to visit Laurel in Philly. There will certainly be some posts about that trip when it comes along. This was the fourth good sized trip I was able to make this year. All that and no real source of income. I want to thank all of the people that made these experiences possible. This year was one of the best I have had despite all that I have been through health wise. I hope next year will be even better.

Sketchbook Blues

I realize that I haven't added anything to this in quite a while and I believe it is time for something new.

On a recent trip to L.A. I lost one of my sketchbooks. In it were many poems, drawings, notes, and even some postcards, addresses, and generally a whole lot of time, effort, and soul placement. Needless to say, losing it aggravated me and depressed me all at the same time.

I still hope to get it back, but here are some pics of some drawings from another sketchbook I haven't lost.

Minneapolis Time

I recently was blessed to spend some time out in my beloved Minneapolis. I have started chemotherapy again and this was just the perfect end to a supreme Summer. Now its back to hair and weight loss with flu like afternoons spent lounging around the living room.

Noah and Wendy. My old housemates.

There was one afternoon where the sun shone beautifully. I spent the time drinking a great saison-brett and talking with old friends. It was exactly what I came out there to do. That and try to bring back as much of my vinyl, dvds, and books that I have been severely missing in California.

Isaac.

For some of us it was the first time that we had seen each other since Europe. And we had a great time sharing stories about events that have since transpired. I took a road trip to see an amazing music festival in Anacortes, WA and Isaac and Christa got engaged. Many congratulations are sent their way. I can't wait to to go back there for their wedding. Whenever that may be.

Matt Lammers

My good friend Matt Lammers had since moved into the Bonnie Doon. We spent some good time catching up on things. Matt had taken my place in Breaksea on an occasion, but I think does his best work in a band with many of my friends called Lake Baikal. They are doing a score for a film by another dear friend of mine named Allen Keating-Moore.

Breaksea had a wonderful reunion show that even included the great Gilbert on bass. Who regrettably was not able to join us on our European escapades. The show was in the barn/carriage house of the Bonnie Doon. It was a cold night, but we kept things lively with fire and good tunes.


A lot of good pictures including the two above were taken by my good friends Paul Jerome. The rest of them can be seen here. The rest of my time was spent eating at my favorite places and spending time with some of my favorite people. Right when I got back I had a portocath put in and got another dose of poison added to my veins. Luckily, I am on some new meds that make the experience slightly less horrible than before.

When I made my travels back I fit as many books as I could in a checked bag and a selection of vinyl in my carry-ons. My checked bag actually weighed too much and I had to remove a copy of the collected works of E.E. Cummings and add that to my personal luggage to avoid extra fees. If they only knew that the weight of what I was carrying in hand far out weighed that checked bag. My arms were quite sore after the flight from carrying around all that extra weight, but there was no way I was going to trust the baggage throwers with my vinyl. No way no how.

While in Minneapolis my hair fell out again. But instead of putting it in a box and leaving it for birds in the Spring to make nests I decided to put it to better use. My first idea was to go to the Aveda training school and ask for a trim. Then just see how the person reacted, but I determined that would be a little too mean. So instead I offered it up to my film making friend Allen to film the experience of me pulling my hair out of my head like tissues from a box. I haven't seen the footage, but I look forward to seeing whatever he does with it. I trust his artistic genius.

All in all it was an amazing trip. I may have not had the chance to see everyone I wanted to see and I regret that. I look forward to seeing them sometime soon. I may have not had the chance to do all that I wanted to do, but I still had a great time. It just left something to be desired when I go back.